We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it hurts more in the daytime
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
