is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
