Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
