Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
