youre lurking in front of me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
