I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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