I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
