What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
