The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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