saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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