I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
