Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
