By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
