Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
