My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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