Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
