If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
