I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
