you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
