I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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