You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
