Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
