Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
