Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
