This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
