dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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