i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
