3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
