have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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