Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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