Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
