The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
