Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
