Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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