i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
