I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They took my balls.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
