We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm really busy with my period
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