i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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