I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
