My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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