My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
