So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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