We won't sleep together?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
