i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
