I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
