youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
