omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
