you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
