bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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