Don't make out with my wife yet
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
